"I was going to say that Donald Trump is a narcissistic bigot interested only in seeing his name emblazoned on the White House, but I won't say it. I won't say it. But it's true. I'd like to use foul language and say he's a f-ing, pompous windbag whose cynicism for the intelligence of Americans is only eclipsed by his vanity, but I won't. No, it's true, but I just won't say that. And by not saying that, I have thankfully preserved my understated and statesmanlike demeanor."